TIME TO TALK
HOME / FAMILY
family
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
PHILIP LARKIN
childhood...our picture of what was
Sometimes childhood runs through our heads like a nostalgic, hazy, sun-faded picture book,
well told stories ...that time we fell out of the tree, the school dinners...
But pause a little longer
What memories get pushed down, the sting of not being invited,
the shame when you fell on sports day,
the time when you forgot all the words in the school nativity,
the anxiousness that double maths brought
...the bits that don't fit the hazy picture book so well
small things
they didn't feel small then.
And maybe your childhood wasn't particularly sun-faded at all.
Maybe some of it felt lost to adult responsibilities.
Worries you should never really have had to hold.
Maybe you witnessed things at home that you tried very hard to pretend didn't exist.
Caught somewhere between knowing this was your normal...
and beginning to realise it definitely wasn't normal.
what did family teach you?
Belonging ?
Safety ?
Being looked after ?
Or maybe, it was something much more complicated.
Sometimes we find ourselves repeating patterns from childhood with completely different people who somehow feel strangely familiar.
The angry boss.
The controlling, buttoned-up perfectionist.
The wild, carefree one, where responsibility is for somebody else to hold.
Different people,
but somehow, you know you've met them before in your story .
and then you're not the child anymore,
well...
at least you're not a child anymore
But some of those old dynamics remain surprisingly difficult to grow out of,
you want to do things your own way...
you feel;
judged
Criticised...
Compared
You can be someone in the rest of your life and still find yourself becoming a slightly different version of yourself when you walk through your parents' front door.
and suddenly you're the parent,
or your parents need you now.
You start to notice the things they can no longer quite manage.
The power shifts,
but strangely, sometimes the dynamic doesn't.
The scripts are old.
And very well rehearsed.
