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loss
Some losses come crashing into our lives,
shattering our world in ways we could never have seen coming.
Others come slowly.
We sense them.
That sense of dread. A growing knowing
that things are changing, the landscape
shifting around us.
A partner. A job. Our health. A dream. A friendship. Our picture of the future.
Grief can be death.
But it might also be the baby you can't conceive.
The career you lost.
Missing your carefree, healthy self.
There is no 'normal' way of experiencing grief. No one emotion it brings.
Sadness. Anger. Numbness.
Maybe even relief that you're now dealing with certainty.
Maybe you're fine all day... All week. ..All month....
and then you see sweetpeas, catch sight of some Hobnobs, hear a song.
And suddenly you're catapulted back into an emotional landscape that's incredibly painful to be in.
Grief is unpredictable.
We can't always prepare for the hard moments because they often find us when we're not expecting them.
Some losses are harder to explain.
The pregnancy nobody ever knew about.
The friendship that isn't anymore, without really knowing what happened.
The person you thought you knew.
The future you thought you'd live.
All the while, the world around us carries on, almost oblivious to the huge, gaping hole in the fabric of our world.
And we're left wondering how on earth we won't fall through it.
Meanwhile...
the bins go out.
The bus turns up like it does every day.
and letters drop onto the mat.
But nothing feels the same.
and slowly .. almost without noticing... there are moments when you're thinking about something else...
Then comes the guilt.
how can I laugh, when my heart is carrying this pain
Moving forward isn't the same as moving on.
Perhaps we don't leave some things behind
but learn how to carry them with us.